Posted by: Kris Lindsey | March 8, 2014

Another Anxiety Layer Peeled Away

I opened my eyes and saw my bedroom ceiling fan in the faint morning light. Another day. I closed my eyes again.

I felt lousy. Tense. Agitated. My whole body ached. Why did I feel anxious? Everything was fine—my family, finances, and friends were all doing well. I had no deadlines looming.

What’s the matter with me, God?

“Turn over your past to Jesus” echoed in my head.

My past? What past? I didn’t have any big unresolved issues to turn over. But I’d lived a long time. As my mind scanned a few of the many places I’d lived and troubles I’d encountered, I felt the weight of lingering regrets.

I could have, should have done that differently. I wish I could go back and undo that mistake.

Somehow I had this vague, haunting feeling that I should still try solve problems that eluded me, fix situations that came out badly, finish unfinishable business. In my mind I knew changing the past was impossible, but in my heart I realized I still felt responsible to do something. What, I didn’t know.

Jigsaw shaped door in dark room

Turning Over Control to Jesus

Years ago, I gave my life to Jesus. Since then, I’ve made a point to give him control over specific areas I found myself holding onto, such as my finances, marriage, kids, and health. I’d never thought of giving him my past, but now it seemed like a good thing to do.

As I started to pray the words, however, I hesitated. Should I really let go of all responsibility to resolve unknown issues in my past? What if there really was something I should do that I was forgetting? Could I really close the door on my past and make a fresh start today? That felt risky. Scary.

But as I thought it through, I realized God could work all my mistakes and tragedies for good. In fact, he was the only one who could. I could trust God to put together all the pieces in my past.

Gears made of puzzle.

I set my jaw and decided to let it all go.

“Dear God, you know I want everything to work out perfectly, but life is messy. I also know time is relative for you. I hand over my past and trust you to work in the lives of everyone affected by my blunders, or involved in hard situations with me, whether I remember or not.”

I opened my eyes to a brighter room, and felt the dull ache in my chest and body disappear as I relaxed. This new freedom felt good but strange. Did I really dare to grab hold of it and move forward unhindered?

Yes, I did.

I sat up, plopped my feet onto the floor, and breathed in the air of a new day. I felt hopeful and energetic. My tasks at hand looked easier with all my baggage gone.

God had peeled away another layer of anxiety.

I felt free.

 

Photos courtesy of Crestock

Advertisements

Responses

  1. A great example of how God alone can lift us out of our anxious thoughts, especially when we take a moment to think, to listen. It never fails to surprise and delight me how God can change a day before it even begins. Thanks for the reminder. 🙂

  2. Oh, I can relate to this one. But, yes! God will do amazing things with our lives in spite of and even because of our pasts mistakes and questionable actions. He’s the God of miracles!

    • Hi Suzanne. Yes, God is so good. We can trust Him with everything. Thanks for dropping by my blog and affirming I’m not the only one who feels like this!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: