The Never Ending Gifts

“Yes, I can come in at 11 a.m. tomorrow.” My body stiffened as I set down the phone. A call to come in and discuss cancer screening test results had to be bad news. What should I do?

Connect with Jesus.

Oh yeah, according to my 21 day challenge, connecting with God was the only thing I was supposed to be doing. But should I, could I, pass this right on to God and just hold onto him? My stomach churned and my thoughts jammed as I fought the urge to grab hold of this problem and work on it myself.

“All right, Jesus, I’ll hand it straight to you, and we’ll see how it goes.” In my mind, I reached up with both arms and grabbed hold of my vine, Jesus (John 15:5).

“But Jesus, what if it is cancer? They’ll have to operate, and that will hurt. Besides, I’ll be laid up and waste all that time.” The room blurred as I paced into the kitchen and back.

“Yes, God, I know you’ll be with me. You always are, and always have been. And I’m sure you’ll bring something good out of this, too.” I came to a stop in front of the fireplace.

Then my stomach knotted. If I did have cancer, I’d have to stop my hormone supplements. What a wild ride that would be. I stepped to the window, then over to the sofa.

“Jesus, I don’t know how I could possibly get through losing my hormones. Last time I stopped them I got so depressed, and seemed to lose my mind.” My back stiffened and resistance rose inside my chest as I moved toward the chair and then rounded the coffee table.

“But…I really do want your will for my life.” The lump in my chest rose to my throat as I fought back tears. “I do  trust you to work for my best and guide me through. And I want to keep my vow to only connect with you, no matter what.” I wiped my eyes, and it was done.

The tension inside my chest deflated, my vision cleared, and I found myself standing in front of my fireplace again.

“Okay, God, it’s in your hands.”

I turned and looked out the window. Hey, it was a bright, sunny day after all.

For the rest of the day I had complete peace—a miracle in itself, considering. Normally on hearing bad news, I would mull over all the variables, agonize over possible options, then finally go to God and ask him to bless my final decision. Because of my “connection challenge,” I went to God first, trusted him, and received peace about it in record time. What a concept!

Then I remembered that Jesus said instead of worrying, we should “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness…” (Matthew 6:25, 33). After all these years, I’m finally figuring out how to go to God first.

*Just so you know the end of the story, the next morning the doctor said my sonogram showed a suspicious condition that could potentially cause cancer to develop. We’re going to keep an eye on it. That was it. Not so serious after all.