As part of my quest to find joy, I set aside some time to meet with God. I turned on my favorite praise music CD, settled into a comfortable chair, and let the lyrics draw my focus to my Heavenly Father.
Yes, Lord, You are Mighty. I thank you for all you’ve given me, and for being here with me now.
The music filled my heart and drew me closer to my Savior.
“Lord, you know about my quest to find joy. Would you please help me relax and teach me how to rejoice?”
The music pulsed on, coaxing me to let go and open up. I told my shoulders and chest “relax.” But when they started to let loose, I felt vulnerable and clamped them back up again.
“Okay, God, what’s going on here. Everything in my life is going well now, so why does relaxing make me feel unsafe?” Suspecting some unresolved issue, I decided to spend the rest of my prayer time asking God to bring to mind times in my past when I had been tense.
From the bully on the block to my seventeen-year stomach problem; from my diligence to be on constant alert as a parent to the time our home was destroyed in a natural disaster, I evaluated my feelings about each situation as they came to mind.
In every instance I found I’d already dealt with and resolved the issues. If my feelings had been hurt, I’d forgiven everyone involved, including myself.
However, as I relived each event, it felt like my muscles were still bracing me for an emotional blow. I’m no psychologist, but it seemed to me that although I’d resolved the issues in my mind, my muscles hadn’t gotten the memo. They were still in defensive mode.
So, as I pictured myself in each setting, I said, “It’s all right. It’s over. I’m safe—I can let my guard down. Jesus is my strength and my shield now.” Then I imagined myself taking off a heavy armored jacket, and God replacing it with a light linen robe.
As the weight of each jacket came off, I felt my body relax a little more, and the room brighten a bit. I could tell my muscle-guard didn’t come completely down, but it was a good start.
Now I’m still telling my body to relax throughout the day. It’s getting easier, but it’s still a fight. I’m excited to see how God helps me next.
The Never Ending Gifts 